November 1st 2021

These walls confine me as my flesh traps spirit. Alone, in both space and time – all I have are words to pull this from my veins. I pray it is a start. Better than stuck.   How much effort would you give to rip out the parts of yourself that keep you in hell? If…

I Endure.

This morning, while taking a shower, a memory flooded into my mind.   One day, several years ago, I went home to my mom’s house. She was the only one home and I eventually found her in the bathtub. She had been crying, and laying on the ground beside her were clothes soaked in blood –…

Just Like A River Does

A part of me will always remain here. For the passing moments, oh maybe two hours or so, I've sat in silence, occasionally rambling down a cement pathway alongside the river. No music, no distractions save wandering thoughts, intentionally present yet too a thousand lives before and some I've yet to live. There is no…

Honest Words You Won’t Read

I walk around with a hole that I cannot fill. A void so deep within me that it might as well be a black hole, capable of swallowing me entirely, at any time, and its presence troubles me so. I work with a highly trained trauma therapist whom has diagnosed CPTSD from early childhood, stemming from –…

Mortal Once Again

It lingers, and I am aware of it every moment.  A deep sigh escapes my lips, my fingers resisting this, my body screams now with no sound, to stop, insisting instead that I should curl up on the floor with my knees to my chest and weep, if not this – run. Run as fast as…

Writing with Anxiety

Strange. A ping in my chest, and there it is. I don’t typically feel anxiety when I sit to write, but low and behold, damn it. I’ll see what this is going to tell me and let it be.   I’ve felt a loss of words recently, and this being my greatest outlet outside of prayer…

Growing with Spring

In front of me a Bear plays with fallen leaves and branches, and the sun is bright nearly overhead now; having dilated my eyes this morning, I’ll surely have to go inside once the shadow I’m sitting under fades with midday sun. For now, the cub likes too much to be outside, and I blame…