The continuance of you feels ceaseless, almost as a recurring exchange of souls passing by in a darkened corridor; blind to the meaning of it, unable to reach out and grasp you, yet herein you exist just the same. Reveal yourself, oh vacant shadow, and allow me the bliss of your gaze once more, for the last time. Better to endure the pain of it than wander, aimlessly wanting, for as long as we both shall live.

Haven’t we had enough? Torture me, silent love, no more. This I beg of you, pardon me evermore, lest I seek you all my life and find nothing but an escaping, dimming light. I loathe how you slip through my fingers at the mere mention of those long misty days. My heart longs so effortlessly to grant you reprieve from where I kept you all these years; my eyes desire nothing beyond a final farewell, upon your face to rest again, if only to say a fond goodbye.

For 8 years too long I have held you fast within my chest. Beat again and break free, oh my heart, here captive against your will, chained only by mine, you dwell – a secret union of souls tethered by sheer determination not to forsake each other. Forsake me, god of desire, unstitch me from your side and let me run for run I shall. As fast as I can away from you, this my only hope of a final break.

My wrist will direct my hand, my palm to tell my fingers, and your face my destination. For that tender caress, through your tears I would linger. My brown eyes, within a fortitude you saw only in a long lost equal and never in any other, they shall captivate you though you try and steel your heart. Try as you may the power here overtakes you, give in, for you mustn’t hide any longer from what we give away.

Is there no more love between us? At least try… Try and make it gone, because with my palms against your flushed cheeks can you not see that I desire my freedom from your grip? A withered, tired soul I became when I walked away, only ever so timidly gathering my strength all these years apart from you. Now, in this moment, as I weep intensely, I take back what is rightfully mine. The pieces of myself that belonged only to you until these moments. The part of my heart only you could hold, I need it back.

Disillusion me no more, sweet love, for astray my heart will forever roam unless again I can see without clouded vision. Uncover me, unburden me, and set me free.

If you should desire from me before I go, I grant you one request. A kiss, full of all the years gone by void of what we needed most; a kiss, a kiss… To bind the contract we never made that we would love forever, shall we bind it at long last only to break it in flames of all we lost those years ago? Sign with blood and seal the fate of us with that kiss, hold me tightly, give me all you have for a moment too long.

Then let me go. Forever. I beg of you.

The shelter of your arms is not mine to indulge. The shade of a Locust tree belongs to a woman with blue eyes and a child, a boy, and the shadow of me dancing there under cloak of night has long since faded. The embrace is hers, though I longed for it – as a thief longs for gold – for years too many. The kiss I steal is hers, but endure this she must, as it my last testament and tribute to what was, until that farewell, the greatest love of my life.

Yet now I seek a new dawn, and as all things follow the reckless pattern of the universe so too I melt now, seeping into the earth that too long held me captive. Flow now I must, to places you cannot follow, for you are the earth, and where you are so you shall remain.

All the years I loved you were not a moment spent in vain, even in my solitude or when I lay beside another I loved you. Dare to find another soul who feels that burden, she exists in none but me. There, darling former, I shall thank the gods for a love that endured, granting me at least the knowledge that I was loved, and loved, fiercely.

We honor the water melting to the sea and the earth that once held it, frozen and waiting, for as we stayed there together we were a beautiful sight. All things move like the tides of the Pacific, and thus, my sweet, pardon me, kiss me as I hold your face, and let me go.

Washington Painter

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