Wash away the forces that keep me from you; this loss is not yours but mine to hold. I am tethered intentionally, learning only now to be comfortable within this darkness. Learning how to shine the light within to magnify what I hold most dear. A mystery of tenderness, the precious truth of quiet longing, a torrent of pain that a thousand lifetimes could pass me by and yet this loss will still sting steadily. I think to end this beautiful tragedy I must die to truth entirely; the laws of life will not allow me the opportunity to forget. So, I closed the walls until I trapped myself inside this bitter conclusion, brick and mortar, within my prison of undying emotion I dance like I once danced under the full, bright moon – ever alone here, lest your ghost dances in perfect step with my unseen shadow. Separate yourself if you can, the sly smile of a crooked temptress cradles the chains; you will never let go so long as there be breathe in my lovesick lungs. An island she is, tortured in the silence of everything he left behind for her to find, treasures floating in from the dark sea; two sentences written on old parchment taken from the story she wrote years before, scribbled there the only love he ever held this dear, yet said so little – too little. Left then I know I will die not to this truth, but to my own hope. Death on behalf of hope, that he too is lost at sea, still searching, just unable to find dry land. And so, I wait. An island. Dancing alone under the full moon, bare feet like that time under the rain when his mother called the Tooth Fairy into her arms and said, ‘So it shall be, that this is love’. Destined, from that moment, this young girl and this young man, to fly into the mystic – to undo what was known of love and rewrite it entirely. To challenge destiny as long as they could, and cling to the death of fate once the deed was burned and the walls beaten in by a weeping hammer where the skeletons laid to rest, all that they held so dear. When that foghorn blows, you know I will be coming home, yet for now you’ve left me here to dance – my steps growing weary, too many years parched by not a drop of water on my lips; my life, my love, laid bare, laid here to rest – evermore, until his sail is seen once more on the horizon. Sail the seas, sweet Dylan, and behold the island abandoned by all but the one whom remains, always waiting, ever waiting. For resolution, at such long last, for the story to unfold – unhinged, untethered – to be what is meant by the light of the sun, finally unburdened by the darkness of her spirit left apart, left alone, left to die here. I yearn to live, to live, to live. Come, breathe life where once you breathed, outstretch your fingers and utter more than the sentences in that glass bottle lost at sea, searching for my shores. Open your heart, lost sailor, and return to safe harbor, to the island where she alone waits, and say what you hold back, say it, say it, say it. To live, say it, or die. Leave me here and I shall surely perish, leave me here and I shall surely dance until the moon burns out and the night is no more. Is it your wish that I should die? The world is burning, soon to fall, and time is withering down. Leave me broken, leave me cold, or return and ignite the embers to the fire once we danced around together, under that big full moon. I cannot even find the sky without you, yet I am trying – all I can do… All I can do, all I can do, all I can do, is keep trying. Do not make me do this alone, quiet stranger. Bring me the resolution, bring me the smoke of a dying cigarette, bring me the whiskey on your breathe, bring me the goodbye or the hello, gasping at glimpses of gentle true spirit, you run, wishing you could fly. Leave me here reckless, searching, dying, helplessly hoping for the swift return of forgotten love, lost to him intentionally for the pain was just too deep. Forget no more, deny me no more, but hear me call out – hear me cry and close your eyes. Navigate by the stars and your compass will guide you where you last knew fate, and let us undo what was done to us, let us heal, let us find meaning beyond the pain of losing and banishment to opposite sides of the globe. I take the desert, you take the coast, but to each his own. Send me your words, send me your smile, send me your love, so that if I am here destined to die alone, let me least behold the very reason I die; the poison on my lips, the dagger in my heart, the piercing scream of my last tormented breathe. Witness the end of all I thought I was, the lost gypsy banished by her own foolish fate, witness what you released when you let me go; lay your eyes on me one final moment and understand what you leave behind. Hide no more, oh departed lost soul, hide no more but return and in your bravery find what you’ve lost, what you held most dear. Another world, a quarter lifetime past, a realm where true love found us, and we cradled it with a tender kiss, an assurance that this was ours and we were the lucky ones. Nevermore lucky, yet unsteady, dancing alone in a prison I built myself. Come now, release me. I shall search the horizon for that familiar flag – these visions of Johanna, the music on the wind, through the trees, and into my soul. I shall believe only then that God is real, that goodness exists, otherwise remaining here, dying, against my will. You hold the key, you alone.

Please, I welcome your thoughts, perspective, and new ideas on anything I have written here!

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